A friend asked me today “Do you believe in Valentines and stuff?”
I reflected and realised I think rather a lot about it. (I’m j
ust one of those people who has an opinion on everything!!)
I have my personal relationship with it and I have a view on it as a ‘thing’ in society.
I personally think generally it’s good if people can show their affection for each other more – and if a day focuses people’s attention and awareness on this, it’s a good thing.
Having said that, there’s a whole heap of conditioning that comes with it. It can put ‘pressure’ on people and the acts of romance are often not a pure expression of their desire but obligations bought on by conditioning and expectations. I also feel for most men as my experience of women is we’re pretty bad at receiving.
I also quite liked the original tradition of sending cards etc, to people you liked anonymously – in my teenage years it was super thrilling to get a card from someone and try to work out who it was from – and I think there is a way capitalism has expanded this as a way to get people to spend ridiculous amounts of money on things we don’t really want/need.
There’s also my personal relationship with it, which has evolved a lot.
I do love a bit of romance – in that I liked to be treated well, spoiled, surprised, wined, dined, dated and desired. These days I am available for good things and receive well.
In my younger years getting cards from admirers was quite fun, although there was also some conditioning in there about rejection and whether I would get a card – and what that meant if I didn’t – early fears of not being liked, or good enough setting in.
Then in my serial monogamy days with boyfriends and husbands (I’ve had a few!), it was mostly a relationship with my expectations & varying degrees of good/not so good receiving. I realise now, the best receiving is a woman who is a glorious expression of happiness – and this is the greatest thank you to any man! (That and really good sex maybe.)
A few years ago I renamed Valentines and declared it “Love Day”, seeing it as less about romantic love between someone you were in a relationship and more an opportunity to spend all day Love bombing everyone.
Today, I notice I have a different feeling. Like just a sense of peace that I really don’t need anything external for me to feel love. I don’t feel I need any false displays of affection, or am attached to whether I am or aren’t in a relationship or receive anything. I can feel the Love available to me everywhere.
That said; I think from a place of feeling full, I’m still very available for romance #justsayin.
For me these days, romance means be willing to lead with Desire, expressing my desires, wanting to know someone else’s desires and being willing to meet them – and there’s nothing better than a guy who is one step ahead in being willing to meet mine.
So I’m curious, what’s your definition of romance?
And of course I wish you a very happy day of love
Xxx Lucie B. xxX
Ps. I’m hosting a “Diving Deep into Desire” seminar/workshop in a couple of weeks – if you’re interested click the link for more info or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org